30

Never had to think about getting old.

I was so sure I would die young and full.

I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish and I made sure to finish them by 27 because that was the age of my foreseen death.

Now, on the verge of 29, the weight of 30 dawns on me.

Trapped in a mundane cycle of life as an adult. I look for an exit now that is not death.

A future that I had never drawn.

I want to try everything. Every thing is new again just like back at 18 when I decided 27 would be my demise.

Now, knowing any day I could lose the most precious thing in the world to me, I need to plan even more carefully than ever.

Yet, the goal that is sustainable for a long term might take all of me to find.

Edible bite size chunks of life must be designed. So that every step gives me a sense of fulfillment. Rather than having to accomplish the goal to finally be happy. I need to make sure every step I take is a step in itself both a step towards happiness and a step into happiness.

Many people now choose a nomadic life.

Trying to make meaning of the insignificance of one existance over a vast majority of the ever growing population and the ever dying Earth.

Is that a path for me?

Each day I must practice. Practice the things I love to be good at.

I must... (I know it will be difficult at this age) learn to have complete self discipline and focus.

I am connected even addicted to the network without any emotional or mental engagement... I must learn also to make connections that is true and of myself.

In order, I need to learn myself.

What are my qualities?

I am good at everything but exceptional at nothing. Because I have talent that ran out some 5 years ago and lack of practice and self discipline and overwhelming procrastination have put me into mental and physical hybernation state.

I must wake up and run again.

There is more life to live.