To be understood.

To be understood and to understand...
I once thought these were the basis of love.

But maybe I misunderstood love or did I misinterpret understanding.

Falling in love may not at all be related to the ability to understand each other...

To see into each others eyes and to seek the truth... the true being down in the core.

Covered in multitude of pain, greed and history -- almost unrecognizable -- is what I wanted someone to see.

Someone to truly see and reach out. So that I can finally stand and shake off the sand.

I thought that love was something capable of this. So when I found out it wasn't...

It was anger that swept me away into the deep. Anger I was helpless against.

Yet, have I? Have I done that for him?

This is in the limitations of human. Only One that can see through to the dirty, withered and ugly being deep.inside of me... Could that be God?

Is it only by His grace and His love that I will be lifted up out of the sand? All the while the world kicks more sand in my face...

Maybe it is not Love nor Understanding I have mistaken, but  the subject.

I had longed for love and understanding from countless (actually if I sat down, I can count them since I did not reach out to many) creations for which I should have leaned on the everlasting arms.

My truth can only be read and healed by the Truth.

Lord. I have now forgotten how to open my heart to anyone... I myself cannot open up to even my own self. I've lost me. I have forgotten what it is to be vulnerable. I have been abandoned and abused... I am so tired

Help me. Help me my unbelief. Help me drink from the ever flowing Grace.